Tuesday, 30 June 2009

• On the verge.

  At a crossroads.  On the brink.  On the cusp.  At a juncture.

  I believe intelligence, integrity, tact, hardwork and diligence will get you places.  Sometimes though I wish I would just get another lucky break.

  Starting to realize that getting these breaks requires that I create opportunities for myself.  Lunch with the president reinforced that.  Good chat, gave me quite a lot of praise, advice, career insight, stories about his time at McKinsey/GE.  I think I made a fair impression and left him with some good thoughts.  I have a good career ahead of me if I stick around.  But I don't want a 'good' career, and I don't think people understand my sense of urgency.  Perhaps the sheer weight of political inertia will take time to overcome; but that's time that I don't have.  Not going to rock the boat too much more than I have, but money talks, and if things don't happen soon I'll be working hard to get a letter of resignation to do the talking for me.

  While I've made some deft moves in the last 3 years, in hindsight I've made plenty of dumb ones as well.  Wish I was better at 'elevating' my perspective and seeing things from higher ground.  I also think that sometimes it's easier to elevate one's career by leapfrogging from company to company than try to climb through the ranks.  I think instead of putting 200% into current projects I should have invested 110% in my current job, and the additional 90% in creating/finding new opportunies and networks.  I now understand the value of working smarter vs. harder.  In my own defence however, most of the opportunities I have now would never have presented themselves if I didn't invest 200% of my energy in knocking the socks off of my clients.  So you never know smoetimes.

  Anyhow.  Right now, I'm exhausted, stressed and having bouts of insomnia.  A few long weekends here and there have given my state of exhaustion a few temporary bursts of energy and motivation but really it's been 3 years of tireless abuse.  I can only hope some of this shit pays off.

  Sigh.  What I'd give to stop my brain from spinning endlessly into the night.  It seems to enjoy demand planning algorithms more than sleep.

   

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